refused, rejected, denied

"When are you coming to visit?" I would give a vague answer, mentioning how busy I was, promising to come soon. But I had no intention of doing so. I had left my family behind and had no desire to return. (...) It was only once he was no longer in the house that it became possible for me to undertake this return voyage, or maybe I should say, to begin the process of returning, something I had never been able to make up my mind to do before. It was rediscovery of that "region of myself" (...) from which I had worked so hard to escape: a social space I had kept at a distance, a mental space in opposition to which I had constructed the person I had become, and yet which remained an essential part of my being. (...) it began a pocess of reconciliation with myself, with an entire part of myself that I had refused, rejected, denied.

- Retruning to Reims, Didier Eribon (2009)