split habitus

Whatever you have uprooted yourself from or been uprooted from still endures as an integral part of who or what you are. (...) how traces of what you were as a child, the manner in which you were socialized, persist even when the conditions in which you live as an adult have changed, even when you have worked so hard to keep that past at a distance. And so, when you return to the environment from which you came - which you left behind - you are somehow turning back upon yourself, returning to yourself, rediscovering an earlier self that has been both preserved and denied. Suddenly, in circumstances like these, there rises to the surface of your consciousness everything from which you imagined you had freed yourself and yet which you cannot recognize as part of the structure of your personality - specifically the discomfort that results from belonging to two different worlds, worlds so far separated from another that they seem irreconcilable, and yet which coexist in everything that you are. This is melancholy related to a "split habitus" to invoke Bourdieu's wonderful, powerful concept. 

- Retruning to Reims, Didier Eribon (2009)